


Monopolize Your Opportunities

by itsadastraperaspera



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Fluff, Friendships Ruined, Gen, Monopoly (Board Game), Not really but it feels like it, Platonic Relationships, Rules broken, They're Just Trying to Have a Good Time, Well - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:21:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26747992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsadastraperaspera/pseuds/itsadastraperaspera
Summary: The Sides play Monopoly. Chaos ensues.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Monopolize Your Opportunities

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BluesfeedUnsolved](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluesfeedUnsolved/gifts).



> This piece is dedicated to my friend, better known here as BluesfeedUnsolved, who recently decided, arbitrarily, to get older without me. (Rude, really.) I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you enjoy! (Also, go check him out, he’s got a lot of cool stuff!)

For AJ-

I hope your birthday was as wonderful as I believe you are.

Monopolize Your Opportunities

“One, two, three, four… five—oh, darn. L, looks like I owe you…” Patton reached across the board to check Logan’s dark blue property card, his face falling. “… _ seventeen hundred dollars?  _ Logan, how did you even—”

“It’s Boardwalk and I put three houses on it. What did you expect, exactly?” Logan smiled smugly, accepting Patton’s money with a flourished hand gesture. The smug look quickly melted off his face, however, as he counted the multicolored paper and found, stacked neatly at the bottom, a single blue Uno reverse card.

“Patton,” Logan started darkly. “What the fuck is this?”

It was Patton’s turn to grin. “An Uno reverse card.”

“And what, exactly, is an Uno reverse card doing where there should be a five-hundred-dollar bill?”

“I’m Uno-reverse-card-ing you. Now  _ you  _ owe  _ me _ seventeen hundred dollars.” Roman let out a giggle as Logan ran his tongue against the front of his teeth, brows furrowing in thought as he attempted—and failed—to compute the newest addition.

“That’s not legal. We’re following the rule book, which does not include an Uno deck as part of the materials.” He waved his hand, summoning the rules to Monopoly. He flipped to the set-up page, skimming to find the section he was looking for. “‘The equipment consists of a board… two dice…tokens… thirty-two houses… twelve hotels… Chance and Community Chest cards… a Title Deed card for each property…play money…and—the Action cards of an Uno deck.’’’ He quoted from the rules, voice wavering at the last phrase. He squinted at the words before looking up, a murderous look on his face.  _ “Who _ tampered with the rulebook?”

Roman and Patton snickered as Janus pointedly avoided looking directly at Logan. Virgil focused intently on his fidget cube. Remus grinned like—well, like himself: a madman. 

Logan just sighed. “You’re all children. And this is not the legal book, so Patton’s move is invalid, and I would like my five hundred dollars back.”

Janus cleared his throat. “Actually, Logan, we’ve been playing with this book the whole time. So, really, Patton’s in the right, and  _ you’re _ being childish. Give Patton his seventeen hundred.” 

Logan furrowed his brows, reluctantly handing over the money. “I hate you all.” He rolled the dice, moving his piece to one of Roman’s properties as Roman spoke.

“Aww, even me, Pocket Protector? I haven’t pulled any reverse cards on you.” Roman’s tone was fond as he elbowed Logan in the ribs, clearly expecting a positive response. What he did  _ not  _ expect was for Logan to look him dead in the eyes and hand him a skip card.

“Wha—oh. Okay. I guess I asked for that. So, no rent money for me?”

Logan nodded solemnly. “And no turn.”

“WHAT?”

“The rule of the Uno skip card is that you lose your turn. I am applying it as both a saving grace for myself and a detriment to you.” He plucked the card out of Roman’s hand and placed it in the Free Parking lottery.

“You  _ basta—” _

“I feel the need to remind you: I did not make the rules, you did. I am simply applying them.”

Roman harrumphed, passing the dice straight to Janus.

Janus rolled, his piece—the ship—landing on one of Logan’s properties. He made eye contact with Logan. “Temporary alliance?”

“The terms?” Logan arched his eyebrow.

“I don’t have to pay this, in exchange for immunity to any one of mine for a turn.”

“Consider it a deal.” The two shook hands over Roman, who scoffed.

“Oh,  _ now  _ who’s not playing by the rules?”

“Roman, I would have gladly made a deal if only you had looked at the House Rules, section three, part A, where it clearly states that exchanges may be made if they are of equal value to those involved. We have made an exchange of equal value, therefore we are following the rules. Or does the modified rulebook suddenly mean nothing to you?”

Roman just gaped at him. Janus passed the dice to Virgil.

Virgil rolled and moved his token, the terrier, to land on his own property. “Well, that was anticlimactic.” He eyed Patton’s properties, which included the last railroad not in Virgil’s own collection. “Hey, Pop Rocks… how attached are you to Reading Railroad?”

Patton frowned, glancing at the card. “Well, I suppose that depends, kiddo. How attached are you to Saint James Place?” He gestured to the other two orange properties, which sat with the rest of his properties. “I feel like it would be a fair trade.”

“I knew you were going to say that,” Virgil said, wincing. “Goddamnit.” He deliberated for a moment, absentmindedly twiddling with the wheel on his cube. “…You drive a hard bargain, Pat.” Virgil forfeited his orange property card as Patton handed him the railroad.

Patton grinned wickedly. “Pleasure doing business.”

“I feel like that’s going to bite me in the ass later.”

“Ooh, if anyone’s going to bite you in the ass, it’s me!” Remus snatched the dice out of Virgil’s hand and tossed them haphazardly across the board, near Roman’s feet. “A little phoebe! Sweet!”

“Hey, Ree, where’d your piece—” Roman started, but was cut off by Remus.

Remus hacked and coughed, eventually spitting up a slimy silver token: the shoe. He placed it on the board, saliva and all, and counted each movement, carefully touching the piece to each square. Virgil gagged.

“Vir-gin, I landed on your property! How much do I owe you?”

Virgil stared at him, incredulous. “…No tricks? You’re just going to pay me?”

“Yep! So how much, George?”

Virgil blinked at him. “Um, $120.”

Remus cackled. “That’s pocket change!” He started to hack again, and Virgil’s eyes widened.

“Um, never mind! I don’t want it! Keep it!”

Remus pouted. “But I wanted to pay you!”

Virgil gagged as he spoke. “I—don’t want that money.”

“Okay!” He shrugged, shoving it back in his mouth. Virgil became hyperaware of the lack of cash in Remus’ banking area and shuddered.

Remus handed the dice over to Patton, who set them down before rolling them.

“Hey, Jan,” he began. Janus hmm’ed his response. “Would you mind exchanging a few hundred dollars for some houses? My newly-matched orange properties are lonely.”

“Of course, Patton. How many?”

“Four on each.”

Janus choked. “I’m sorry,  _ what?” _

“You heard me! Four on each. Twelve. Eighteen hundred dollars. I want four houses on each property.”

Logan paled as he calculated the various ways he could land on those properties from his location. He leaned over to Roman, looking equally pale from a similar position on the board. “An alliance?”

Roman looked at Logan as though he’d grown three heads. “Um, how exactly will that help us?”

Logan smiled tightly. “Neither of us can afford to land on any of them by ourselves. If one of us lands on one, we bail the other out in exchange for a property or two of equal value.”

“That… could work. Logan, you genius!”

“Obviously.”

Patton looked between the two of them, gobsmacked. He turned to Janus, eyes pleading. “That  _ can’t  _ be legal, even with our rules. Stop them!”

Janus shrugged. “It’s of equal value to them. Still a grim deal, honestly. One or both of them will be bankrupt.”

Patton grumbled but rolled the dice, landing on one of Remus’ properties in the brown zone. He collected his two hundred dollars from Janus and promptly handed four of it to Remus. He then passed the dice to Logan, who shook them with a bit more vigor than usual. His roll landed him squarely between Saint James Place and Tennessee Avenue, on the Community Chest square. He breathed out a sigh of relief, collecting his card. He flashed his card to the group before moving his piece (the top hat) to the jail with an even deeper sigh.

Roman’s hands shook as he received the dice from Logan, lightly tossing them into the center as though they’d burned him. He moved his car token to land on New York Avenue and looked, terrified, at Logan as he gathered up what was left of his cash. He counted and came up almost two hundred short of the eight hundred dollar fee. Logan silently passed two hundred-dollar bills to him, his own stash looking depleted as well. Roman did a bit of quick math and traded him the deeds to Oriental Avenue and Vermont Avenue. Patton bristled but remained silent, eight hundred dollars richer.

Janus rolled, landing on luxury tax. He put his hundred dollars into the Free Parking lottery and passed the dice unceremoniously to Virgil.

Virgil rolled the dice, letting out a curse as he moved from the Pennsylvania Railroad to Tennessee Avenue. His measly pile of money sat in front of him, four railroad properties off to the side. “Fuck, fuck, there’s no way I can pay that. Fuck. Shit. I have fifty bucks to my name.  _ Shit.” _

“Oh, Virgil, you mean you didn’t have an alliance?” Patton batted his eyelashes innocently. “What a shame, you’ll have to follow the rules.”

Virgil eyed Janus’ banker station. Janus glanced between Virgil and the plastic tray, putting the pieces together slowly. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“I totally would.” Virgil lunged for the plastic organizer, snatching a handful of cash from it. Janus smacked his arm, wrestling with him over the paper money. Roman joined in, grabbing Janus by the shoulders to hold him back as Patton seized Virgil around the waist, tackling him to the side. Logan swatted at Roman, chastising him for getting involved. Remus belly-flopped across the table, sending the board and pieces flying. The commotion stopped, as if it were a freeze-frame in a movie, as the last piece clattered to the floor, bouncing across the kitchen.

Roman had his arms around Janus— it almost looked like a stereotypical prom photo pose, if Janus hadn’t been on the floor with Roman on top of him. Janus still had his hand clamped around Virgil’s wrist. Patton had Virgil by the legs, and Virgil still gripped several thousand dollars’ worth of monopoly money in his fist. They all stared directly at Remus, who was munching on a Chance card like a potato chip.

“Remus,” Logan started as the freeze-frame thawed, melting back into reality. The others began to scream.

“REMUS, I WAS WINNING,” wailed Patton.

Janus just looked disappointed. “Remus, what the hell?”

Roman and Logan switched off, unified in every way except volume.

“REMUS, YOU UTTER—”

“—disaster, I hope you know that what you’ve done has caused—”

“—A RIFT IN THE FAMILY, IRREPARABLE, WE WERE EVEN—”

“—getting closer to settling some of our feuds, but I suppose we’ll never know—”

“—WHAT MAY HAVE COME OF THIS HAD A WINNER BEEN ANNOUNCED—"

“—as well as what may have occurred should a successful robbery have taken place. I mean, what if—”

“—VIRGIL HAD SET A NEW PRECEDENT FOR MONOPOLY. BANK ROBBERIES ARE SO—”

“—fascinating, as a game concept, and I wish it could have been explored more thoroughly.” They looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

“Nice,” they said in unison.

Virgil gestured at Roman and Logan. “Yeah, you know, what they said! I had a good thing going!”

“You most certainly did not, but I  _ suppose _ I can let it slide that you attempted to rob the banker instead of mortgage your properties.”

“It’s called creativity, Janus, get some.”

“I have plenty. I use it on logical plans.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah. And you were doing so well in the game.”

“I was, actually. I was set to land around Remus’ territory, which posed no threat to my financial situation.”

“You didn’t own any property.”

“And yet I was still doing better than you.”

“Ouch.” Virgil crossed his arms and huffed.

Remus grinned. “Any-hoo, I thought we could watch a movie now. Monopoly’s _ boring,  _ let’s watch something  _ spicy.  _ I have a few suggestions, like a p—”

“NO,” the others chorused together.

Oh. Well, perhaps they all had more in common than they thought.

(They watched Cars, and Remus was allowed to discuss the impossibilities of it with Logan.)

**Author's Note:**

> Slang   
> Little Phoebe - gambling term for rolling a total of 5  
> George - gambling term for someone who tips well (handing out so many $1 bills that you may as well be GW himself)


End file.
